We won't sleep together?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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