he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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