I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
