I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
