there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
