I seem to have left my pride at pride
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
