GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
