I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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