hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The uberlube is also flammable
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
