Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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