but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
