is your mom at the bar?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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