i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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