Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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