I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
