he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
