You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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