i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize