He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
