i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He shit in the fireplace
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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