and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
