well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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