I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
