the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
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I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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