First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
