there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
