mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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