I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize