sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
