I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
