Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
