I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My hand turned me down
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
