so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
