just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
