Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
