I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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