yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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