Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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