We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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