Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
