ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
this beer tastes like vomit already
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
