Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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