gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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