Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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