some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
