i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
