bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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