I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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