what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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