Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
