I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
