He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
