she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I did not marry a roomba.
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