so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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