Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
