I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
