The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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