I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
its not stalking. its research.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
