she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
