VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
