you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
