I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
