You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
