was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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