Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
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I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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