so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
how does that bad decision feel?
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