I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
