through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
