Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
