I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
